Post by Jacko on Dec 28, 2008 2:44:52 GMT -5
Reading Dom's 'The Scarlet Letter' "inspired" me to put up this (Year 7 level) short story I wrote for our end-of-year English examination at school. I don't understand how the American system works, but I think Year 7 is equivalent to sixth grade over there (or maybe eighth, but I'm sure sixth). Anyway, we had four choices of titles and that title also had to be the beginning sentence or phrase of our story. I chose the "It's Still Raining" option and received an A+ as my overall mark (which I was especially pleased with)
This is the result:
"It's Still Raining"
"It's still raining", I sighed, as I peered through the window to the world outside and saw that lightning was still flashing, and heard thunder still booming and rain heavily pelting upon the roof above our heads outside. "It's like cats and dogs!" I sighed. The small, dim light emanating from the light bulb above went out briefly, plunging the room into darkness and then slowly flickered back on, swaying dangerously as if to tell us it was about to fall and shatter at our feet. Thankfully, it didn't.
My two friends, Bob and George, were sitting on old armchairs in the corner of the small space. George was glancing around nervously, shuddering every time the thunder outside filled our ears. He was terrified of storms. I didn't understand why- he was so tough and brave about everything else. Bob was unfazed about the weather- he had his mobile phone out, holding it up to check for any reception. There wouldn't be any of course, we were in an old tin shed in the middle of the bush at the dead of night. I don't know why he even bothered trying. George gasped, rather loudly.
"Bob, put it away! There's a huge storm outside! Do you wanna be struck by lightning and die?" he yelled.
"Oh, stop being such a wuss! Nothing's gonna happen..."
It was on Bob's final word that the largest flash of lightning yet, followed by the most tremendous bout of thunder yet, occured outisde and the tiny light flickered out, this time permanently. George screamed like a girl. I laughed. Bob punched him in the arm, hard. He almost cried.
For the next half hour, we sat together in our sleeping bags in the centre of the room, watching the heavens empty down upon the Earth in an almost deluge. Bob was still trying to get reception. George had his iPod going full ball in his ears, hoping that it would cancel out the noise outside. I personally thought it wasn't- George was still shaking.
A sudden beeping noise made me jump. Bob's phone started vibrating, playing his favourite song as the ringtone. I crawled over to Bob, as did George, very slowly, and we glanced at the bright screen.
'1 New Message' it read. Bob raised his eyebrows.
"Who's texting you?" I asked curiously.
"Yeah", George piped, "no-one knows we're out here...do they?"
"No", Bob replied, shaking his head.
He pressed the 'open' button shakily. We all stared, intrigued.
The message read "I know who you are. And I'm watching you."
I swallowed. George gasped. Bob closed the message, and then his phone. He dropped it, looking around nervously.
"What does that even mean?" George asked, petrified.
Bob told him the obvious:
"It means someone knows we're here."
I jumped up, running to the window. My heart pounding, I reached for the string dangling from above the window and pulled down the blind.
"Yes, good idea!" George said, "close the other one, too!"
I did so, taking care not to look out at the storm for too long before pulling the blind down.
"Now what?" I breathed, looking at Bob.
"What? Why are you asking me that?"
"Well, you're the one who got the message! The person knows
you're here!"
"It might be someone playing a joke on us, I don't know!"
"Why would anyone go as far as coming out here just to trick us? No-one's that stupid!"
But before Bob could answer, the door slammed open, letting in an enormous gust of wind and rain. George srceamed. I fell backwards onto the floor.
BANG! Blood spurted from George's chest.
BANG! Blood spurted from Bob's chest.
And the last thing I saw was the gun raised at me before...BANG!
I slumped to the ground, my eyelids closing on the sight of the balaclava-clad figure, lightning flashing behind him. It illuminated the wicked grin upon his face.
Okay, I know it's not Dom standard or anything, but I was pleased with it.
Any thoughts?
This is the result:
"It's Still Raining"
"It's still raining", I sighed, as I peered through the window to the world outside and saw that lightning was still flashing, and heard thunder still booming and rain heavily pelting upon the roof above our heads outside. "It's like cats and dogs!" I sighed. The small, dim light emanating from the light bulb above went out briefly, plunging the room into darkness and then slowly flickered back on, swaying dangerously as if to tell us it was about to fall and shatter at our feet. Thankfully, it didn't.
My two friends, Bob and George, were sitting on old armchairs in the corner of the small space. George was glancing around nervously, shuddering every time the thunder outside filled our ears. He was terrified of storms. I didn't understand why- he was so tough and brave about everything else. Bob was unfazed about the weather- he had his mobile phone out, holding it up to check for any reception. There wouldn't be any of course, we were in an old tin shed in the middle of the bush at the dead of night. I don't know why he even bothered trying. George gasped, rather loudly.
"Bob, put it away! There's a huge storm outside! Do you wanna be struck by lightning and die?" he yelled.
"Oh, stop being such a wuss! Nothing's gonna happen..."
It was on Bob's final word that the largest flash of lightning yet, followed by the most tremendous bout of thunder yet, occured outisde and the tiny light flickered out, this time permanently. George screamed like a girl. I laughed. Bob punched him in the arm, hard. He almost cried.
For the next half hour, we sat together in our sleeping bags in the centre of the room, watching the heavens empty down upon the Earth in an almost deluge. Bob was still trying to get reception. George had his iPod going full ball in his ears, hoping that it would cancel out the noise outside. I personally thought it wasn't- George was still shaking.
A sudden beeping noise made me jump. Bob's phone started vibrating, playing his favourite song as the ringtone. I crawled over to Bob, as did George, very slowly, and we glanced at the bright screen.
'1 New Message' it read. Bob raised his eyebrows.
"Who's texting you?" I asked curiously.
"Yeah", George piped, "no-one knows we're out here...do they?"
"No", Bob replied, shaking his head.
He pressed the 'open' button shakily. We all stared, intrigued.
The message read "I know who you are. And I'm watching you."
I swallowed. George gasped. Bob closed the message, and then his phone. He dropped it, looking around nervously.
"What does that even mean?" George asked, petrified.
Bob told him the obvious:
"It means someone knows we're here."
I jumped up, running to the window. My heart pounding, I reached for the string dangling from above the window and pulled down the blind.
"Yes, good idea!" George said, "close the other one, too!"
I did so, taking care not to look out at the storm for too long before pulling the blind down.
"Now what?" I breathed, looking at Bob.
"What? Why are you asking me that?"
"Well, you're the one who got the message! The person knows
you're here!"
"It might be someone playing a joke on us, I don't know!"
"Why would anyone go as far as coming out here just to trick us? No-one's that stupid!"
But before Bob could answer, the door slammed open, letting in an enormous gust of wind and rain. George srceamed. I fell backwards onto the floor.
BANG! Blood spurted from George's chest.
BANG! Blood spurted from Bob's chest.
And the last thing I saw was the gun raised at me before...BANG!
I slumped to the ground, my eyelids closing on the sight of the balaclava-clad figure, lightning flashing behind him. It illuminated the wicked grin upon his face.
Okay, I know it's not Dom standard or anything, but I was pleased with it.
Any thoughts?
