Looks like the year of religion motifs with shows like Black Skies at Night, Inferno, Eden Rising 2, and now End of the Line popping up. Lovin' it.
"The red streak in the sky turns and is now coming towards the
man.
Then --
That streak is another man, standing about 10 feet in front
of the Drifter, standing forward."
I think the wording here is really confusing. Streak in the sky? Don't you mean the horizon? "a blob of red colour sits in the haze horizon" something like that?
"SAM
What are you drinking?"
Just a note, usually Western dialogue is more stylized, "whatcha drinkin'?" that sort of thing. BUT I SHALL READ ON!
"SAM (CONT’D)
Everyone does eventually."
Ominous. I enjoy it.
"AARON
(speaking English)
So why don’t you?
SAM
I have no reason. Yet. But go
ahead. Give me one."
Usually this would annoy me, but I kinda like the switching between languages. I mean, it serves no purpose apart from to show off, but I still like it.
"The Drifter turns, and walks out of the bar. The doors swing
closed behind him as he disappears into the darkness of the
night. The rest are left watching. Staring."
I have no idea what I've just read. But it was a pretty cool opening to be honest. Enjoyed it, even if the characters and their motives are completely shrouded.
"ANA
Let me guess... If I could. You
enjoy being alone. You can’t
handle a boss, maybe."
Why is she suddenly a psychiatrist? But I like her character. Despite her profession she still maintains an almost feline sense of curiosity about her customers. I like the little touch of, "one of those" because it shows that probably a lot of men who pay for time with a woman actually just wanna sit and talk. SOMETHING YOU WANNA TELL US, INDY?!
"LUCAS
Diablo."
Diablo Diablo Diablo Diablo Diablo Diablo...
"SAM
That doesn’t mean you don’t have
any family. That just means they
aren’t around."
That little scene had some great dialogue. I enjoyed how Sam lead the conversation completely in control. Baiting and almost toying with The Drifter in places. Great stuff.
"Sam closes his fist quickly. Crushing the mouse."
You know, the act of killing a defenseless little animal is usually more effective than killing a person. Sam is one sinister shit.
"DOCTOR
He’s not ready to be, yet."
Not ready to be what?
"SAM
Hola."
LOLOLOLOLOL
"SAM
Do you still think I am a child of
God?"
Great call back. Sinister Sam
"SAM (CONT’D)
Or I will bring Hell to you."
That was a great monolgue topped with a fantastic cut to black line. I like your version of the Devil. It's always a hard character to write. Do you go with the self indulgent type? The dastardly clever type? Sam seems to me to be all about playing games. He hasn't demonstrated any particular knowledge, instead he's this monster of a man who actually seems a bit of an emotional wreck. It really does feel like he's playing a game with these people. This amuses him.
"GERARDO
Get out of here, whore. Before I
break a cheekbone."
Haha, great line. It makes sense too. Who the fuck is Ana? She's an actual whore. Like her opinion matters!
"LUCAS
Check there."
Very poor line. If he's pointing to an abandoned house then this line needs much more to it. A place like that is a perfect place to hide. Come on, Indy! Where's the, "Get that place open now! I want every room turned over. Pull up the floorboards if need be." You see?
"TOWNSPERSON
He’s not in there."
That was a quick search. What did he do? Stick his head in the door, long around and deduce the house was empty?
"SAM (CONT’D)
Sure, if you do it right, you can
put me out of comission for a
little bit. But I’ll always come
back. That’s what the man who shot
me fails to realize."
I really like that line, like I've liked all of Sam's lines BUT when is this show set? I'm not Steven Fry word god but the word commission feels a little out of place for the setting. Meh, I'm probably wrong.
"Behind Sam, the sky turns red - a deep, violent, firey red."
Badass final imagery.
Alright Indy, let's talk EOTL. I liked it a lot. It could have been a stronger pilot. I feel certain moments swung from wonderful to deeply unexplored. The opening was everything it needed to be; creepy, mysterious and shocking.
The rest of the episode didn't quite live up to the opening. I enjoyed everything involving Sam and The Drifter but unfortunately every other character felt a little cold. Just a bit dead really. Nothing to tell them apart from each other. Hopefully further episodes will give the other characters an identity that they so badly need.
But the two characters that did work for me were fine. The Drifter is an interesting one. I do wonder what the symbolism of him never revealing his name is. I have a feeling there is a lot more to him than meets the eye. I wouldn't be shocked if you pulled out a angel card on us with him.
There was some great imagery to be found here too, which I'd expect no less from you. I'd really ham up those moments, paint a picture as often as you like. It's a wonderful setting to paint in so go nuts.
In fact that'd be my feedback for the entire episode. Just ham it up. Raise the game, flesh out characters etc.
The mystery elements are spot on. I was a little annoyed that this Gould character didn't eventually make sense. The flashbacks shows Sam recruiting them, per say, but we never really got a chance to understand why. I assume this'll become a seasonal mystery but it just worked against Gould. He was unremarkable in every single way. He needed something to set himself apart just to say, "hey look, I'm important to this show too!"
It was a good and easy read and I don't have much more to say other than what I've said. Just up your game and define characters.
7/10
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